..2009 coming to an end soon.. and hope to erase all the memories of 2009.. nothing going right for me.. from the start to the end.. ..

..pray hard that 2010 will be better and hope all things will turn out fine...

... 当上帝把这道门给关上时，另一道窗将为你而开.. if things can start over again. .i will be grateful for it.. even if i have to start to live again......
...today is the release of the psle results.. and got the news from mdm toh n ms teo.. that 6i all passed and for chinese.. 27 got A and the rest B.. i think the students are proud of themselves.. and i was happy with their chinese results... although cant share their joy there. .but hope that they are happy...

..the sky is still dark.. could see some light but not fully.. what is next? will the sky brighten up??.. will be going for reservist soon.. and the love to teach is still there.. to teach or to train??
...almost half a year had gone by... and i still at a loss... what the future holds for me? ... when will it end??? ... i fell into a deep end.. destroying everything that i had build... i tried to climb out of the deep end. .but each time i took a step forward and wanted to see the light ... i was held back and fell back into darkness again... i am emotionally and physically stressed out... what can i do?? i really dont know...

...everyday when i thought of the things that i had build... i felt so upset that i couldnt substain... now this deep end is really deep.... i not sure when can i climb out of it...

..i really felt the support and the love n warmth that my family gave me.. without them i think i will be gone... i really want to step forward.. been trying.. but....

..the only good piece of news that i had is that i had been posted back to my original NS unit. . and will be joining my fellow peers for reservist in jan... i had some words of encouragement from mah n seah.. and thanks to them... n thanks to mdm toh.. n ho for their help as well....

...really hope i will get up from the darkness soon without any damage... really ....
...been a few months ...really dun know what the future holds....

...today receive wishes from mdm toh, bong and ah tiong.. like to say thanks to them... esp tiong my soccer kaki... and really missed the days in sch.. the joy and the laughter we had in class... i really missed alot.. esp to 5b cos did not have a proper farewell to them... as for 6I.. thanks for the messages that u all had wrote...as i had told u all before.. i will keep all these messages.. as well those u all had written last year..

..when watching the nationdal day parade last night.. so many memories came to my mind.. accompanying the students for their ne show for the past 6 years.. now is forever memories..

...and also like to thanks p and vp for their concern.. and the rest who had send msgs to encourage me.. sorry but right now still like to be alone..

..n thanks to hw, jo and jx for their time too... when ppl say that ur family will be there no matter what.. i now find meaning to the phrase.. i really apprecipate the support from my parents and esp my sis n my bro-in-law.. really apprecipate and grateful to have them around...

...is the worst over yet? my wish for today is really hope so.. hope that is over and i can start a new chapter.. can i?


雨下了走好路 这句话我记住 风再大吹不走祝福
雨过了就有路 像那年看日出 你牵着我穿过了雾
叫我看希望就在黑夜的尽处


i really hope that the worst is over and there is a new path for me.... really wish so...
...just came back from camp.. going in tonight again to prepare for the 4 days outfield exercise tomlo...

...just read at my blog messages.. after one of my ex pupil sms me yesterday night to ask why i made such a decision... n i just read her blog and what can i say??... the reason for me making such a decision is only me who knows.. but what makes me sad is that i made so many of u felt worried... and at the same time felt very touched that so many of u shows concern for me.. but i really wan to make this decision and leave peacefully... is so difficult to make such decision cos i love it so much and i cant bear to leave anyone... .when i was in camp these few days i kept thinking on what am i going to do next... the interaction i have with my pupils.. esp my soccer boys... the joy that we have.. am i able to forget everything??? .... i still got so many things to do .. to fulfill... but now.....

...when mdm toh told me about the p.. i was sad... i never know it is so hard to make such decision... i apprepiate what the p did and the help she gave.. but sorry......

...if everything is fine. .i think i will go onto the next chapter of my life... a new chapter .. a new beginning.. but is hard.. very hard...on one hand.. will really want to continue the current chapter.. but have to close it n start another one....... next week during the field exercise.. i think i will know what to do.....

..today suppose to be MTP......i could have apply for off n be there... all the ifs and the buts.....
..today is only the third day of this year ICT.. still got another 1 week plus to go.. but i am already feeling very "low" on this whole ICT... right now.. at this time. .suppose to be outfield for overnight exercise until tomlo night.. this exercise includes boat training which required u to jump into the water.. cos of this yesterday night went to the medical centre to get an excuse for wearing uniform. .thus dun have to go for this exercise.. the actual atec exercise only will commence next monday.. but this time round... the battalion too "on" and decided on a mock exercise first.. me.. and another few went to get excuse yesterday and so there are some who are still in the field right now. while the rest of us is at.. u should know where...

...monday the first day of in-pro.. in the afternoon another route march again.. .and tues there was currency shoot.. which only end at 6 plus... did not shoot well this time.. too many things on my mind.. n these few days. .keeping thinking n thinking... wish ICT will end soon....

...i really dun know what is next.. really dun know and what lies ahead??? n now still got this ICT... and next week 4 days of outfield exercise.. . haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
.... this has to be the lowest point of my life..... no point talking over it again.. hope everything will turn out fine in the coming weeks or months...

...had to go for reservist for the next 2 weeks.... able to forget everything while there? dun think so.......but will use the time there to think on what am i going to do next... am i able to give all up and move on? i think that the only choice that i have..

...feel bad that i had to make this decision.... n thanks for all the concern shown by so many of u.. and really feel bad that my decision will create such worry for u all... to my pupils... a big sorry and hope all did well in the exams...

....a few things that i need to consider n do... althought i cant bear to give so many things up... but i really have to...

我还想她

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